Since graduating university I have held down a semi-steady turned steady job in the animation industry, been a member of a panel on "starting a career in animation" at an animation festival, completed a title sequence for a student documentary, attended a game jam, moved to a flat in Bristol, and started running regularly (ish).

This is a list of very positive things, and myself and society look on them as achievements. Except perhaps the game jam, society probably still thinks that's a bit of a joke.

Then there is another list. Its a bit longer, and contains items such as:
  1. Upload Kernel to the internet for the world to see
  2. Complete rhino character
  3. Complete music ident
  4. Make a new and up to date showreel
  5. Cultivate new professional opportunities
  6. Write about games I care about/make me think
  7. Write about things I make/participate in
  8. Have ideas and be creative again
  9. Do that god damn tax return
Some of these are for myself, painfully some are for other people, some are interdependent on each other, all are either incomplete or have never been started. The first three are complete only in the shame they cause me. How, after over 12 months, have I failed to post our own animated short online? I wanted it to be perfect, I wanted people to care, I wanted it to be a co-ordinated release to all the right people and places to showcase me and my friends. Instead, Kernel will be released much as a crazed Leonard might, slipping out the back door hoping no one sees, except I'm going to yell and point as he does a hobbling sprint down the street, attracting as much attention as possible.

Loz uploaded some photos from Kernel's development which were hysterical to browse through, seeing our tired faces and long hair.
Can you believe I lit most of the film on an old laptop?! I'd totally forgotten.

This finally gave me the kick to fix that out of sync foley track, put the new credits in, and re-upload Kernel. Maximum bit depth, 2 pass VBR compression, super high bit rate. Gorgeous.
Team Kernel
Maybe ticking that first thing off the list will help me move through the rest, maybe I should pledge to do so and re-ignite the blog. But I'm not going to pledge, because what's worse than not doing things is feeling guilty and ashamed for not doing things because you pledged to do them.
This looks too staged to be authentic.

Expect Kernel soon.



1 Comment